Snap

When I look back at old videos on youtube that I made I cringe, I hate them. I hate the sound of my voice and I hate that my humour doesn’t come across at all. Maybe I’m only funny in my head though. I had some guy bitch at me for being unsympathetic to heroin users, he completely missed the point.

I decided to move on from my ewanmureaux channel for good although I’ll leave the videos up. I just want to get away from the avatar a bit, well not avatars in general maybe, not saying I’m leaving that account or anything in Second Life, I would just rather have something less fictional. I completely value freedom of expression and the distinction between your real and internet self, having an online identity can be valuable but not when it gets old and boring. I wonder if Torley wakes up some days and just thinks “fuck I hate being tied into this pink and green pish, fuck watermelons”.

So from now on, on plurk, twitter, youtube this blog or whatever I’m going to just do what I want, some sort of in between reality and fiction which is basically what my life is. I don’t deal well with reality so I opted out of it completely, occasionally making a trip back there when the government want something, they pay my internet bill so I have to do what they ask.

You know juggling accounts on every social media avenue is completely beyond me, I don’t need or want to be everywhere and it’s because I’m not selling you anything. yet I insist on spunking words into the world completely unaware of whether anyone reads, cares whatever. Maybe I’m writing for me so I can say that I did something. That’s not it, I think I know why now, I spend my life soaking in media, information, occasionally bullshit and in some sort of Newtonian urge I feel a need to push back, react and put me out there. I wish I had some sort of structure in my life but then I’d probably hate that too so until then I’ll sit here taking in information and pushing out trivial thoughts on why I’m doing that rather than actual content.

I wonder what it was like before the internet when you had to go talk to actual people, was there less bullshit said than there is now where opinions are like arseholes and yours stinks?