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When I look back at old videos on youtube that I made I cringe, I hate them. I hate the sound of my voice and I hate that my humour doesn’t come across at all. Maybe I’m only funny in my head though. I had some guy bitch at me for being unsympathetic to heroin users, he completely missed the point.

I decided to move on from my ewanmureaux channel for good although I’ll leave the videos up. I just want to get away from the avatar a bit, well not avatars in general maybe, not saying I’m leaving that account or anything in Second Life, I would just rather have something less fictional. I completely value freedom of expression and the distinction between your real and internet self, having an online identity can be valuable but not when it gets old and boring. I wonder if Torley wakes up some days and just thinks “fuck I hate being tied into this pink and green pish, fuck watermelons”.

So from now on, on plurk, twitter, youtube this blog or whatever I’m going to just do what I want, some sort of in between reality and fiction which is basically what my life is. I don’t deal well with reality so I opted out of it completely, occasionally making a trip back there when the government want something, they pay my internet bill so I have to do what they ask.

You know juggling accounts on every social media avenue is completely beyond me, I don’t need or want to be everywhere and it’s because I’m not selling you anything. yet I insist on spunking words into the world completely unaware of whether anyone reads, cares whatever. Maybe I’m writing for me so I can say that I did something. That’s not it, I think I know why now, I spend my life soaking in media, information, occasionally bullshit and in some sort of Newtonian urge I feel a need to push back, react and put me out there. I wish I had some sort of structure in my life but then I’d probably hate that too so until then I’ll sit here taking in information and pushing out trivial thoughts on why I’m doing that rather than actual content.

I wonder what it was like before the internet when you had to go talk to actual people, was there less bullshit said than there is now where opinions are like arseholes and yours stinks?

I didn’t blog at all in January, I started a draft about anti-semitism which was obviously a laugh a minute. I noticed that some phrases thrown around by end the fed people could easily be misconstrued because certain terms, analogies and metaphors could have a double meaning. At the same time though the anti-defamation league can be, have been maybe possibly a bit over-zealous when they pursue things. I’m not going to go into that almost post any more, I might finally finish it one day but its a bit of a tightrope trying not to explain my feelings on both sides as an outside observer and so on.

Anyway my idea today was to just get some things off my mind, some things I like and some other things I don’t like.

I didn’t blog at all in January, I started a draft about anti-semitism which was obviously a laugh a minute. I noticed that some phrases thrown around by end the fed people could easily be misconstrued because certain terms, analogies and metaphors could have a double meaning. At the same time though the anti-defamation league can be, have been maybe possibly a bit over-zealous when they pursue things. I’m not going to go into that almost post any more, I might finally finish it one day but its a bit of a tightrope trying not to explain my feelings on both sides as an outside observer and so on.

Things I like at the moment include the Alex Jones show, I don’t agree with him a lot of the time and his manner is quite alien to a British person but that’s true of almost all American radio hosts, you couldn’t really imagine a Glen Beck or Rush Limbaugh being tolerated so much over here. I hope I’m right on that, the loud aggressive manner seems in stark contrast to the quiet, considered, cutting interrogations we would expect from a Jeremy Vine or Jeremy Paxman or even people not called Jeremy at all.

I also like my new phone, when i chose to leave real life some two and a half years ago I ditched my mobile etc. I thought it was about time to maybe start connecting and being normal again so I purchased a lovely little Samsung touch screen phone which is pretty swish. Inspired by the whole smartphone nonsense I decided to give twitter a go again and just signed up. I’m going to keep this account non-Second Life related because I”ve fallen out of love with SL and I’m trying to have a real first life doing normal people things, it could be fun to try out for a while. So on this new account which you can follow if you like @ twitter.com/applepious I’ll be ejaculating my bullshit thoughts that no one cares about into the twitterverse. Also I’ll be following people I actually want to hear from so you’ll notice some “conspiracy” and US politics type stuff if you bother to look.

Things I don’t like include bloggers, people from California and especially bloggers from California. I hate that no matter how massive the internet is it all just happens to take place at their front door, pricks. I also dislike continued illegal Israeli settlements in Palestine.

The Christmas Story as told by Ewan Mureaux from Ewan Mureaux on Vimeo.